lifeandmarriage

Ahh…communications.  Every man’s favorite…er..uh..loathed word.  Women use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy, men on the other hand use conversation to negotiate status in a group and keep people from pushing you around. Boys did “things” with their friends, girls could just sit and talk.  So, from that, it shouldn’t be surprising that men show intimacy in a physical way (doing things) and women show intimacy talking with their beau.  But, that’s a whole other post, and we’ll get there!

But with that, no wonder we have such a hard time communicating when are brains view the act so differently.  I think the biggest thing couples can do is to verbally express to each other that they understand the differences and then work towards a compromise.  We need to understand that not either side will be able to “change” the other one, which I’m sorry to say to women out there, you shouldn’t try to do to a man.  We’ve had years of practice.  But, men can, when given the right circumstances; stars aligned with the planets, ocean tides being both low and high at the same time, we will compromise.  And, I’m confident that women can compromise their views as well.

Understanding what the other person in the relationship views communication as, is the first step.  And, I don’t mean say, “Oh yeah she thinks of talking as being close” and leave it at that.  No guys…really understand that her talking to you about your job or her job or the problems she had that day is really bringing her closer to you.  Try not to solve all the worlds problems or be logical about it, understand where she is coming from.  And ladies, you thought I forgot about you all, well I didn’t…really understand that talking to him is a logical, fact finding, problem solving experience, he won’t feel the same way you are feeling at that moment when you are talking to him, but if he’s reading this post, he’ll try and understand where you are coming from.  One of the biggest problems in any dispute is communication, so by understanding how the “other side” thinks will help out in the end.

With that I leave it open to questions and comments.  Thanks for stopping by.

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