lifeandmarriage

Trust in a marriage.  Wow.  Now I’m getting pretty deep.  This is problem one of the biggest deal breakers of all the marriage issues I’ve talked about.  If your wife can’t trust you or if you can’t trust your wife, hey ladies, it does happen, then you have some serious issues.  So I found a couple who has a marriage blog.  They are a little older than I and have been married a lot longer than I and I figured I’d let them tell you all about how to regain trust in a relationship.  Here’s the link to their blog: http://marriage.about.com/mbiopage.htm  Most of these points focus on cheating, but can also be applied to the simple everyday lies that some people struggle with.  I know I do!  Though I’ll give my insights on each point as well in red.

1. Make a decision to love by trying to let go of the past. Stop obsessing about the situation which broke the trust between you and your spouse. Modern Men and women have a hard time of doing this.  Women probably more so than men, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I’ll bet my boxers that my wife can remember that inconsiderate comment I made 5 years ago!  But this is good advice.  Give it a whirl.
2. Decide to forgive or to be forgiven. Easy one for me.  I always decide to be forgiven!
3. If you are the one in your marriage who lied, cheated, etc. show that the errant behavior is gone by changing your behaviors. That means no more secrets, lies, infidelity, etc. Just like Nike says, Just Do It!  You’ll feel better in the end and your relationship will be stronger.
4. Together, set specific goals for getting your marriage back on track. Set out with a plan.  Really talk about it and come to a conclusion together.  That’s what marriage is all about togetherness.
5. Both of you must renew your commitment to your marriage and one another. Key word there is “both”.  You both must be ready to re-commit. 
6. The wounded spouse must share the pain. The other spouse must acknowledge the hurt caused by the devastating experience of being lied to or cheated on. Don’t let the one who was in the wrong slide. 
7. Listen completely to one another and with your heart, not just your head. Sometimes this is hard for both guys and girls.  This is serious stuff and you really need to put everything into it!
8. Be honest. If you can’t be honest now, get out.
9. Avoid using words that can trigger conflict. Use non-blaming ‘I’ statements and don’t say always, must, never, or should. I need to work on this one with “heated discussions”
10. Take responsibility for your own actions and decisions. Man up!  or Woman up!  Whichever the case may be.
11. Be open to seeking counseling to have a better understanding into what caused the trust to be broken. Sometimes it is much easier to have someone else referee and point out things neither of you have seen.
12. Remind one another that you each deserve open and honest answers to your questions about the affair or betrayal. Great point!

Well...whoops I forgot to change the text color!  Well, I hope you enjoyed.  Sorry I missed yesterday, got caught up with my life and marriage!  See ya!

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